


A Reason to Start Over New

by Moira_Darling



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Amnesia, Asexual, Coming Out, Divorce, F/M, Finding Oneself, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Homosexual, Hurt/Comfort, Identity, M/M, Might add more tags later, Realisation, Slow Burn, h/c
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-01-13 12:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18469234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moira_Darling/pseuds/Moira_Darling
Summary: Castiel Collins was content in his marriage to Meg for nearly seven years. When she has an affair and demands a divorce, all he can think is that he wants custody of his son Shawn. When Balthazar brings him a cup of coffee when he sees him slumped on a bench in a park, an unlikely friendship is begun.





	1. Opening Notes (mostly for my benefit)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KaitoKuroiRico](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaitoKuroiRico/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Calthazar - Human AU - Funeral](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/473095) by Lena Kaito Kuroi Rico. 



**So this is technically my author's notes for this entire story - which I pray I will be able to finish. Usually, I only post a story when I am completely done with it but.... This is a special case.**

**See, I recently realised that while I still might be an asexual, I am _definitely_ a lesbian. That realisation is conflicting with my religious beliefs and so I am going to do what I have always done to work through things: write about it. Hopefully I can come to some sort of peace, and hopefully this story can be enjoyed by others.**

**Balthazar is gay. Castiel assumed he was a straight asexual because while he didn't enjoy having sex with his wife, he didn't hate it either. Sam is actually straight. Dean is actually asexual and - while he has a high sex drive - is only really in love with his car. Meg of course is cheating. Gabriel is Balthazar's best friend. Dean and Sam have basically adopted Cas, having met in college when Castiel was kicked out of his family.**

**This was inspired by a music video by Kaitokuroirico called "Funeral", and her summary was so interested, I was shocked that no one had fleshed it out into a proper story yet. So! Her (after many years....) is finally my stab at it, and I hope it goes well! Enjoy reading!**


	2. Did You Fall from Heaven?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's see if I can get this thing properly started...

 

"Mommy!"Shawn scrambled out of Castiel's lap, running to the front door as it opened.

"Not now baby, Mother's tired." She patted the toddler on the head and dropped her purse onto a side table. "Cas? Cas, I need to speak with you."

He straightened from where he was checking on the meatloaf in the oven. "Yes, honey?"

"I want a divorce."

He blinked. And then blinked again and stared at her. "...that's funny, Meg."

"I'm not joking."

"Mommy-"

"Shawn, go away and play." she snapped.

"Meg, calm down - he just misses you."

She sighed and pinched her nose. "i know." she bent down to kiss the boy's forehead before gently turning him to the hall. "Go on and play baby - I'll come get you soon."

He nodded and ran off.

There was silence in the kitchen as she stood and turned back to Castiel. he didn't say anything, waiting for the punchline. 

"I want a divorce, Castiel."

"But...we are happy."

" _You_ might be happy, but I certainly am not."

He stared at her for another moment, and then tossed the potholder onto the counter. "How? What is wrong? We can work through this, Meg. We-"

"No. And I don't want to. I don't love you anymore. I love someone else."

He stopped breathing for a second. "You..."

"Yes. I love someone else. Keep up. He has an actual job, and he satisfies me in bed - he is a real man."

"But Meg - I love you."

"And I don't love you." she slid the divorce papers across the counter to him. "I'm sorry - I really am. But this wouldn't be fair to either of us."

He didn't touch the papers. "what about Shawn? What about our family?"

"He is young. He will get used to Alastair."

"...used to him?"

"Of course. He is too young to leave his mother."

"You aren't planning on taking him?"

"Of course I am, Cas."

He stared at her, and then started shaking his head. "No. No - I won't let you. I've been home with him all day - if you have to do this, you can't hurt him like this."

"Surely  _you_ aren't planning on keeping him, dear. You are going to have to get a job once I stop supporting you."

"And I'll manage somehow. I'm not giving my son up."

she narrowed her eyes at him. "He is my son. I carried him and I birthed him. What did you do?"

"I raised him while you were at work!"

"Because you didn't work!"

"Because you didn't want to give up your career! I supported that!"

"You just leeched off of me."

"Meg, it's not like that."

"It feels like that - just sign the papers."

He clenched his fist. "...and in the meantime? Are you kicking me out?"

"No. I am planning to stay with Alastair."

"...are you having an affair?"

"It's not like there's anything holding me back." she answered easily.

"Shawn stays with me."

"If that's what it takes for you to tell him what is going to happen - fine."

"fine." he jerked the papers towards him and roughly signed them. "If this is what you want."

"It is. Thanks, baby." She threw a smile at him before leaving the room.

He stared after her for a minute, listening to her playing with their son. They were in love, weren't they? They had a house, a son, a work arrangement... They had a lot of the same friends and the same interests... He had thought it was perfect. She had her toys for when he wasn't in the mood, and he helped out when he could. He was a stay at home dad while she pursued her career - he thought they were happy. Wasn't this what love was? How could she say they weren't in love?

He slid down the cabinet to sit on the floor, burying his face in his hands. 

She was taking everything - because of course she was. And she wanted to take Shawn. His precious son - the best thing in the world to him... If she took him, Shawn would end up spending most of his time in daycare of some sort while she worked - he deserved to have a parent that was really going to be there for him. ...He deserved better than Meg as a mother.

Listening to Shawn laugh, he pushed himself up from the floor. He could cry later - now, he had to finish supper.

 

 


	3. Find a Liquor Store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Help! I am being held against my will and threatened within an inch of my life for the formation of this story by a truly foul fiend of a friend!
> 
> so, naturaly, I am going to go and torture their favourite character. Because I am the most kind, loving, gentle person ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Help! I am being held against my will and threatened within an inch of my life for the formation of this story by a truly foul fiend of a friend!
> 
> so, naturaly, I am going to go and torture their favourite character. Because I am the most kind, loving, gentle person ever.

Castiel rested his elbows on his knees, hunched over his fourth cup of coffee. Shawn played happily on the playground equipment, and Cas tried to pay attention to him and not just stare blindly into the black coffee that seemed to indicate his likely future.

How could he have not seen this coming? This should have been obvious. He should have seen the signs. He should have been a better husband, a better father. Should have slept with her more. Should have experimented more in bed. Should have helped her more. Maybe he should have gotten a job and put Shawn in daycare like she wanted. Maybe that's what was right. Wasn't that the man's role anyway? To be the provider? To actually  _enjoy_ the sex they had? To be more demanding of it? 

It wasn't a surprise that she had found someone else. Someone who probably deserved her. Someone who was a  _proper_ man. Someone who wasn't him...

He drained the rest of his coffee, numb to the scalding temperature.

At barely seven in the morning, there were no other children in the park; but Cas hadn't been able to stay in the house. Meg had been talking about making an itemised list the night before, and he couldn't face the house -  _her_ house. Her house, her furniture, her dishes, her car, her child.... She had paid for it all. She had.... She had every right to it.

He should get a lawyer. That was something one did in divorces, right? Got a lawyer, divided custody, divided belongings....

He felt sick.

"...rough night?"

He blinked and looked up suddenly, surprised he hadn't even noticed the stranger approaching.

The slightly older man had a face that looked like he was often smirking, and he was holding out another cup of coffee.

"Excuse me?"

"I've been helping my friend open the cafe, and you have already ordered four cups in the last thirty minutes. I thought i would save you the time of walking to get another one."

Cas hesitated a moment, but sighed and accepted the cup, reaching into his pocket for his wallet.

The blonde shook his head. "No. It's on me, darling." he held out his hand. "Balthazar."

He paused a moment, but didn't have the energy - or pride - to argue; and he shook Balthazar's hand. "Castiel."

He sat down on the bench beside Cas, leaning back and spreading his arms across the back of it. He looked out across the playground when he heard Shawn's laughter and watched him go down the slide again. "Couldn't sleep?"

he took a couple of chugs of the coffee, wishing it made him feel any better. "You could say that."

He nodded, quiet.

Cas could feel the stranger looking him over, but he didn't turn around. "Need a drink..." he muttered. "A whole store."

Balthazar raised his eyebrows. "This sounds like more than just a night without sleep."

He sighed. "Look. Balthazar. I appreciate the coffee..."

He waited for Cas to continue. "I've got the day off, darling; and I am good with confidentiality."

"I guess a coffee shop is sort of like a bar."

He didn't say anything on that comment. "What is wrong, darling?"

"What do you care?"

"Let's just say it is my job."

He snorted.

Balthazar waited.

Shawn waved to Cas from the top of the playset, and the father had to blink away sudden tears. "....my wife wants a divorce. Wants to take everything." He waited for a reaction - anything. "Aren't you going to say something?"

"Why?"

"I...don't know." he took another gulp of coffee, quiet again.

"Do your friends know?"

He laughed bitterly. "Friends? What friends?" He was surprised to realise he was angry. "My friends weren't good enough. We had to move to a new city because she had a job opportunity. It wasn't  _fair_ that the boys should travel. And then they just wouldn't fit in at the parties. And then she just didn't like them." He winced at the pain in his hands and looked down to realise that he had balled his fists up so tightly that they had turned white. He breathed in and made himself relax. "...nobody was good enough. They weren't her kind of people. It was easier to just stay home with Shawn."

Balthazar was quiet for a minute. "...Ah."

"She wants to take Shawn. She says I won't be a good father. She wants to shove him into a fricking daycare and nursery all day and have someone else raise him while she sleeps with some new guy and works all hours of the day-" he breathed in sharply. "that would still probably be a better life than what I can give him..."

He frowned. "Why?"

"....I don't work. I am...the housewife of our marriage. She wears the proverbial pants. Everything is already hers - what could I give him? I couldn't even keep my own wife satisfied. Of course she would go to someone else."

Balthazar tilted his head. "...an affair?" he guessed.

Castiel set the coffee down before his suddenly shaking hands spilt it, and he let himself cover his face with his hands. He laughed quietly. "...where did I go wrong?"

"Darling. Castiel. This is not your fault."

"How can you know that? Have you even been listening to me?"

He smiled tightly. "Yes. And were I qualified to do it, I might even be inclined to reason you to what is obviously true. But as that is unlikely, let's settle with...underhanded options."

Castiel looked up in confusion.

"Are you capable of working?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Are you capable of working?"

"Of course." he frowned.

"Then you are lazy, yes?"

"No!" he snapped. "Absolutely not!"

Balthazar smiled as if he had expected that reply. "And your son. do you love him?"

"That is a stupid question."

"Humour me."

"Of course I do. I will do anything for him, anything to make sure he is loved and safe."

"Anything?"

"Of course!"

"Then why are you upset?"

"Because she wants to take him and he won't be.." he trailed off.

The newcomer smirked. "Won't be?"

"...he won't be loved, or safe." he finished quietly.

Balthazar nodded his head at him.

Castiel slumped back in the bench. "What the hell do I do now?"

"Now, you find a lawyer. And get sleep. Possibly a stiff drink as well."

He smiled ruefully. "Got any you could reccomend?"

"Scotch is always good."

"I meant  _lawyers_."

"Ah." he grinned. "I suppose I do know a guy." he shifted, pulling his phone out of a pocket in his jeans and working on looking through his contacts.

Castiel watched him in interest. "...experience with this sort of thing?"

"Not personally, I am afraid. Just...well-connected." he pulled up a contact and turned the phone to face Cas.

He raised an eyebrow. "Crowley?"

"His mother was amused with a satirical book that came out shortly before he was born. Don't ask."

"Fair enough." he entered the number into his own phone. "Do you know his hours or-"

"Don't worry about it." Balthazar stood. "Just tell him the angel sent you. And get some sleep."

"Yeah. Hey - thanks."

"Don't worry about it, dear." he smiled, looking over Cas once more before going back to the cafe.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for anyone being out of character. They are going to be for a few reasons: I don't have a good hold on some characters, and due to story requirements some people have to act in a certain way. 
> 
> I also have little experience writing chapters, so I apologise if these are short. Now that I have incentive to write, I should be able to post more frequently. And I don't want to be that person, but comments or kudos or anything WILL help me keep going with this or I will convince myself that no one is enjoying it but me.


End file.
